


Letters to Torchwood

by Amuly



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-23
Updated: 2010-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-03 23:06:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/386991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amuly/pseuds/Amuly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ianto suggests Torchwood drops its cover and goes public so he tries a test run. The results convince him that it’s best if Torchwood remains clandestine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters to Torchwood

  


C&C are love!  
  
  
            “Hey, Jack?” Ianto was standing behind his desk at the tourist office. A horny and bored Captain Jack Harkness was currently glued to his back, nuzzling and kissing his neck, hips casually trying to grind out a rhythm against him.

“Ready to close up?”

“No. Ten more minutes. But speaking of the Tourist Office…”

Jack pressed harder against Ianto, hands slipping toward his belt. “Do you want to screw me on the desk?”

“Not now.” Ianto acted cool and collected, because he knew Jack hated that. In reality he was sporting an obscene hard-on beneath the counter. “But Jack, why don’t we give up the tourist center cover? Go public. It’s not like we’re much of a secret. After all, you _do_ drive around in an SUV with the word ‘Torchwood’ engraved on the side.”

Jack took Ianto’s earlobe in his mouth and rolled it between his teeth. Ianto struggled to suppress a moan and act nonchalant, but his hips betrayed him: pressing back against Jack for just a moment. Jack pulled him closer and wrapped his arms tighter around him in response.

“Mm, no. I like being Cardiff’s worst kept secret. Besides, I have my reasons for keeping it that way.”

Ianto allowed his head to fall to one shoulder, and Jack started to attack his neck with teeth, tongue, and lips. “But – oh Jack, love that spot – what are they?”

Jack’s hand slipped down the front of his pants and Ianto groaned, pretense of disinterest long gone. “How about this…” Oh, bloody hell. Jack’s hand wrapped around his arousal and began languidly stroking. “You try a little experiment. Set up a fake website for Torchwood. Call us Excalibur. Give a description of the organization…” Ianto blinked, trying to focus. Jack’s hand had moved down to cradle his balls and was rolling them _slowly_ with his fingers. “Contact number, e-mail, all that. After a few days, you can ask me to go public again.”

Ianto groaned lewdly as Jack’s hand continued to stroke him. “Mmm, whatever you say, Jack. Want me to lock up, now?” Jack’s answering tug was all the response Ianto needed. He raced to lock the door, then turned back to Jack. “You were saying, sir?”

**

The next day, Ianto was busy at his computer in the tourist office. He had just finished setting up the website for “Excalibur”, a Queen-approved alien hunting organization. E-mail account, phone number, everything was in order. He couldn’t figure out why exactly Jack was so reluctant to go public with the whole thing, but he was eager to prove him wrong.

Not five minutes after he had set up the website, the computer dinged at Ianto, notifying him that he had an e-mail. Ianto clicked it open and read through it.

_Dear Excalibur,_

_ First, I’d like to commend you for the amazing work that you’re doing, and thank the Queen for finally recognizing the fact that aliens are among us. So, I recently saw an UFO in the vicinity of Breacon Beacons. There were these lights hovering in the sky. My friends said it was just an airplane, but I know it was actually an UFO. Just thought I’d let you know so you could look into it. _

_ -AlienHunter25 _

Ianto scanned through flight reports quickly: turns out, there was a test flight in that area last night. He deleted to e-mail.

Two hours, and one _fantastic_ blowjob later, another e-mail appeared on the Excalibur account.

_Excalibur,_

_ Thank you so much for going public, finally! I saw this woman on telly, you might know her. Name is “Anne Robinson”; she hosts that Weakest Link show. Well, I’m pretty sure she’s an alien. Please arrest her? Thanks. _

_ -Watching453 _

Ianto deleted the e-mail. She was already registered with them, anyway.

Forty minutes later, he was busy organizing the 1940 digital archives from the computer at the tourist office desk, when two emails appeared simultaneously.

_ Dear Excalibur, _

_ Thank you so much for going public. So I saw this alien the other day. My friends just said it looked like a cat, but I think it was an alien disguised as a cat. Are there aliens that look like cats? _

_ -ConcernedCitizen1548 _

_ Excalibur, _

_ So do you have any aliens captured? If so…how much does it cost to have sex with them? I promise to be careful! Anything green would be perfect, but any sort of alien at all would be great. I’ve got a lot of quid saved, so name your price. Thanks. _

_ -LovesOrionGirls21 _

_ _ Ianto deleted both as he rolled his eyes. Considering for a moment, he picked up the phone and called Jack up to the tourist office. Less than a minute later, Jack bounded in the back door, eyebrows raised. 

“You wanted me?” Jack started toward Ianto, a lewd smirk gracing his lips.

“Jack, no. I’ve already received four e-mails on the Excalibur account.”

“And?” Jack appeared relatively unconcerned.

“And they're from a bunch of nutters.” Jack’s unsurprised expression forced Ianto to continue. “It’s just…” he paused, considering for a moment. “I thought there might be more legitimate reports. One man…” For a moment, Ianto thought about not telling Jack. No need to give him ideas. After a moment’s deliberation he gave in. “One man even asked to have sex with any aliens we might have in captivity.”

Jack laughed. “Did you offer me? What’s he look like?”

Exactly the response Ianto expected. He rolled his eyes and arched his eyebrow in, what he hoped, was a fetching manner. “No. He’s terribly ugly, besides. I’m sure of it.”

Jack’s hands slipped around Ianto’s waist teasingly. Ianto did his best not to react, though a grin might have crossed his face at the assuring gesture. Just a small one. “Well, I guess it’s all for a loss then, isn’t it?”

Ianto shook his head firmly. “No. Even if only one good thing comes out of us going public, it’s worth it. Just wait.”

**

More e-mails continued to pour in. After reading through about a hundred of them, Ianto was almost tempted to delete them without reading. Against his better judgment, he felt obligated to read through each before dismissing.

            _Excalibur,_

            _What ever happened to Torchwood? Are you guys the “official” Torchwood? Or are you Torchwood, but you just changed names when you went public? Did you merge with Torchwood? If you know Torchwood, could you ask Gwen if she wants to go to a pub sometime? Thanks, mate._

            _Dear Excalibur,_

_ Do you guys have any job applications? I attached my CV, because I didn’t see any applications on your site. I think I’d make a great addition to your team. When should I set up an interview? Thanks! _

_Excalibur,_

_ I saw this alien thing; at least, I think it was an alien. It was this guy and he turned me down, the fuck. Name’s J.T. Smith. Gotta be an alien, right? _

An hour later, Excalibur received its first phone call. Ianto picked up the disposable cell phone he had activated just for the experiment and answered it. “You’ve reached Excalibur. How may I assist you?”

“Oh, man, you _are_ real!”

Ianto turned the phone into his neck and sighed. Bringing the phone back to his mouth, he responded. “Yes sir, quite real. Do you have some business with us?”

“Oh, fuck! This is so cool! So, do aliens exist? Come on, mate, tell me!”

Ianto hung up. The phone rang again immediately.

“You’ve reached Excalibur, how may I be of assistance?”

“Holy fuck! John, they’re real!”

Ianto hung up. This day was going to end with him sporting a massive headache, he just knew it.

**

By closing, Ianto had answered 24 phone calls, received 238 e-mails, and even turned 4 people away from the Tourist Office’s door. Jack came up to get him just as he was shutting everything down. “Well, Ianto, what’s the verdict?”

Turning to him, Ianto dropped a file folder into Jack’s hands. Jack’s arms dipped under the weight. “Two hundred and sixty-six. Two hundred and sixty-six separate instances of people contacting ‘Excalibur’ today.”

Eyebrow arched, Jack hefted the weight of the folder. “Wow.”

“Yeah, wow.” Ianto was decidedly not pleased.

Jack gingerly placed the file folder down on the Tourist Office desk and turned to Ianto. “Anything useful?”

Running a hand through his hair, Ianto sighed. “Nothing. Not one thing. And in the three cases where someone spotted something genuine, we had already handled it.” He nodded at the folder. “But you can read it for yourself. There’s an itemized list of the various types of e-mails, phone calls, and walk-ins we received. Oh, and sixteen job applications.”

Jack mouthed _sixteen?_ Curious, he thumbed through the file folder. “Well, good work Ianto. So your recommendation?”

“Stay clandestine. It seems your judgment was correct, in this instance.”

Jack sidled closer to Ianto, a grin spreading across his face. “Oh, don’t act so surprised. Now come on,” a hand slipped around Ianto’s waist, “let’s go back to your flat. We could pick up Italian from that place on the way?”

Smirking, Ianto slipped out of Jack’s grip. “Oh, _I_ can pick up some Italian.” As he grabbed his coat and headed for the door, he turned to arch an eyebrow at Jack. “ _You_ can sit here and file an incident report. I’ll see you later.”

Aghast, Jack’s head swung between the file folder and Ianto. “No, Ianto. It can wait…”

Ianto shrugged apologetically. “Can’t be helped. It’s what you get for making me go through all this instead of just telling me why we had to stay secret.”

“But…I thought…”

“See you in the morning, sir.” With that, Ianto shut the Tourist Office door on a bewildered Jack. He would come after Ianto within a matter of minutes, but in the meantime, it was fun to make him worry. 


End file.
